Nothing to lose

Mistakes

I make mistakes. Sometimes they are big. Sometimes they hurt people. My apology for my mistakes are genuine and i feel bad that people get hurt. But i still seem to make mistakes. Not that i think i will ever stop making mistakes, but somehow i would hope to making less mistakes and less hurtful ones. Im not sure i really have a point to this but sigh i apologize to those i hurt.
Sometimes i dream of a world were people could just be real. But maybe that place doesnt exist. But the first place i can look is at myself. I have to be more real with everything and maybe i can forego making some of the mistakes.

Death

Sometimes the thought of death freaks me out. Not the whole dying part, but the whole thats it part. This is the part where maybe if i was religous it wouldnt freak me out so much because id believe there is an afterlife. But as im not i dont. So whats in the end for me but the end. Makes me just want to suck as much life as i can out of everyday.... but then i dont... and i feel i jilted myself. But i get up each day and i try again...