Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Remiss
Do you ever feel like you could snap. LIke at any given moment you could just scream and start raging against the world. LIke at this moment i feel fine and i think the world is fine. But i know if something set me of i could just crumble. I could start up in a rage so loud and just yell at everything. and in the next moment i know i could just shrug and let it all go. or even just be so kind that i want to hug the world and try to hold back all its hurt and heal all its ills. I move along everyday but im not sure if this is the right path. but im not even sure which way i want to go. My life is full of activities with friends and family but i still dont feel fulfilled. And i know life is too short to worry about so many things. I should just be happy with life and move on. I just dont know where im moving along to. I miss H so much but i used to miss J so much that i stayed in a funk for years. And i know time will pass and H will be just a memory in the past. Almost as much as J has become. Dont get me wrong i still care for J but when i talk to her or see her i cant bring up those feelings anymore i dont know where they went i just know they left. It was a part of life that i grew out of. and i know i will grow out of thoughts of H. But where is my direction now? I dont really want to just float along. Id prefer some direction to take. My theory always was that i just need to find the girl... whoever she is. I mean ive done everything else. I have a good job, the house, the car, friends, family. But i know i should put that kind of pressure on any one person... unless that person is me. No person should be the end all be all of happiness. Maybe ive built a dream of H and me that is so unreachable nothing in my life will ever rise to that level. And then no matter who i meet or what i do i can never reach the level that my imagination has created. But to the same token i could meet someone new that creates a level even higher then ive currently imagined... which is possible since when i was with H i never thought it could be as good as the dreams i have now. Hmm.... thats so interestingly simple its almost unbelievable. And i wonder why i bother so much... ive had so many runs at different girls that i should be happy about the opportunities and not dwell in the failures. Ive made some good friends... ive lost some good friends. But im still alive. Tomorrow gives me another chance... but will i be faulted if i just left today to dwell and be remiss...
Comments-[ comments.]
Do you ever feel like you could snap. LIke at any given moment you could just scream and start raging against the world. LIke at this moment i feel fine and i think the world is fine. But i know if something set me of i could just crumble. I could start up in a rage so loud and just yell at everything. and in the next moment i know i could just shrug and let it all go. or even just be so kind that i want to hug the world and try to hold back all its hurt and heal all its ills. I move along everyday but im not sure if this is the right path. but im not even sure which way i want to go. My life is full of activities with friends and family but i still dont feel fulfilled. And i know life is too short to worry about so many things. I should just be happy with life and move on. I just dont know where im moving along to. I miss H so much but i used to miss J so much that i stayed in a funk for years. And i know time will pass and H will be just a memory in the past. Almost as much as J has become. Dont get me wrong i still care for J but when i talk to her or see her i cant bring up those feelings anymore i dont know where they went i just know they left. It was a part of life that i grew out of. and i know i will grow out of thoughts of H. But where is my direction now? I dont really want to just float along. Id prefer some direction to take. My theory always was that i just need to find the girl... whoever she is. I mean ive done everything else. I have a good job, the house, the car, friends, family. But i know i should put that kind of pressure on any one person... unless that person is me. No person should be the end all be all of happiness. Maybe ive built a dream of H and me that is so unreachable nothing in my life will ever rise to that level. And then no matter who i meet or what i do i can never reach the level that my imagination has created. But to the same token i could meet someone new that creates a level even higher then ive currently imagined... which is possible since when i was with H i never thought it could be as good as the dreams i have now. Hmm.... thats so interestingly simple its almost unbelievable. And i wonder why i bother so much... ive had so many runs at different girls that i should be happy about the opportunities and not dwell in the failures. Ive made some good friends... ive lost some good friends. But im still alive. Tomorrow gives me another chance... but will i be faulted if i just left today to dwell and be remiss...
