Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Happy Holidays
I dont really have much to say. But i thought i would extend a happy holiday greeting to everyone. Hope everyone is happy and well.
Phil
Comments-[ comments.]
I dont really have much to say. But i thought i would extend a happy holiday greeting to everyone. Hope everyone is happy and well.
Phil
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Im not okay.
I realize im not always OK as it were. I have just gotten to the fact that im insecure about things. Im insecure about where my direction in life is. Im insecure that ill be stuck like this forever. Im insecure that i lost a girl and ill never find another one to fill the void. Im insecure cuz im trying to get her back and i cant. But in reality i know things change in an instant, maybe in a year, a month, a day, even by the hour. Things change so fast in your lives we dont even know what hit us. The choices we make today have such a grand ability to change how tomorrow is. And i know this but im still insecure about today. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that my life has seemed kinda stale as of late. I go to work i come home, hang out with friends the usual. I suppose its not really that stale as my friend D stated in the last couple years ive been in 3 different relationships that have molded my life. So many things have happened, maybe im just longing for more things to happen. And my insecurities are holding me back from reaching out and trying something abnormal. But whose to say what is normal or abnormal. But all my actions thus far are plotting to hold me down into the rut of life that im living. My intention to buy a home just adds to the fact that ill be stuck here. But maybe its all that i need to realize that i shouldnt view it as being stuck but view it as stabilizing myself. Hmm... I dont really know.
Comments-[ comments.]
I realize im not always OK as it were. I have just gotten to the fact that im insecure about things. Im insecure about where my direction in life is. Im insecure that ill be stuck like this forever. Im insecure that i lost a girl and ill never find another one to fill the void. Im insecure cuz im trying to get her back and i cant. But in reality i know things change in an instant, maybe in a year, a month, a day, even by the hour. Things change so fast in your lives we dont even know what hit us. The choices we make today have such a grand ability to change how tomorrow is. And i know this but im still insecure about today. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that my life has seemed kinda stale as of late. I go to work i come home, hang out with friends the usual. I suppose its not really that stale as my friend D stated in the last couple years ive been in 3 different relationships that have molded my life. So many things have happened, maybe im just longing for more things to happen. And my insecurities are holding me back from reaching out and trying something abnormal. But whose to say what is normal or abnormal. But all my actions thus far are plotting to hold me down into the rut of life that im living. My intention to buy a home just adds to the fact that ill be stuck here. But maybe its all that i need to realize that i shouldnt view it as being stuck but view it as stabilizing myself. Hmm... I dont really know.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Gamblers lament
Id give all the world for one more chance
Another chance to feel the romance
To live a love I had all along
And never to have to feel you've gone
It was with a callous heart I let you go
And with a fools remembrance I love you so
Kings and paupers alike pity me
A fool who cant set himself free
Time is the healer of all wounds
But tonight im still howling at the moon
The time of reckoning has long gone
And all that's left is my heart rambling on
Love is more than I can bear
And the boy knows he lost the gamblers dare…
Comments-[ comments.]
Id give all the world for one more chance
Another chance to feel the romance
To live a love I had all along
And never to have to feel you've gone
It was with a callous heart I let you go
And with a fools remembrance I love you so
Kings and paupers alike pity me
A fool who cant set himself free
Time is the healer of all wounds
But tonight im still howling at the moon
The time of reckoning has long gone
And all that's left is my heart rambling on
Love is more than I can bear
And the boy knows he lost the gamblers dare…
Attraction
Why are we attracted, and what makes us love someone. It may in the beginning have alot to do with appearance. But in the end we just end up loving that person. I heard a quote once by Dennis Miller that stated when he met his wife she was a thin model type and thats what he liked. In years later she gained weight and so he decided he now liked bigger women. The fact is he knew he loved her and whether she was going to be thin or not he loved her. And we should all be so loving and loved that we love the one we are with unconditionally.
With that in mind i wanted to rant on a similar note. Women please eat a cheeseburger or something some of you are way too skinny. I noticed this in the light beer commercial where this girl is running stairs in a building and a guy at the top floor hands her a light beer when she is done (funny note... lazy ass guy took the elevator...haha). Dammit tell her to stop running she is a twig make her eat a piece of cheesecake or something... hell the whole cake. Guys like thin but we dont like twig. That kind of Kate Moss thinness isnt healthy. A real woman has curves not skin on bone. And any man who states that you should be that thin to be with him is only objectifying you anyways and isnt worth your time.
Flip side...
We dont want you to just sit around the house and get unhealthy and fat either. I like a trim girl just like everyone else. But thats not what im usually despondent with women who dont workout. Im more prone to the thought that she is unhealthy. A guy may tell you that you should go to the gym and workout. For most times its probably because he wants you to lose weight. But in my case i dont care if you lose the weight or not as long as you are healthy. Being healthy doesnt necessarily mean thin. But if youre someone i care about i want you to live a long happy healthy life and working out is a means to that end.
Rant done.
Comments-[ comments.]
Why are we attracted, and what makes us love someone. It may in the beginning have alot to do with appearance. But in the end we just end up loving that person. I heard a quote once by Dennis Miller that stated when he met his wife she was a thin model type and thats what he liked. In years later she gained weight and so he decided he now liked bigger women. The fact is he knew he loved her and whether she was going to be thin or not he loved her. And we should all be so loving and loved that we love the one we are with unconditionally.
With that in mind i wanted to rant on a similar note. Women please eat a cheeseburger or something some of you are way too skinny. I noticed this in the light beer commercial where this girl is running stairs in a building and a guy at the top floor hands her a light beer when she is done (funny note... lazy ass guy took the elevator...haha). Dammit tell her to stop running she is a twig make her eat a piece of cheesecake or something... hell the whole cake. Guys like thin but we dont like twig. That kind of Kate Moss thinness isnt healthy. A real woman has curves not skin on bone. And any man who states that you should be that thin to be with him is only objectifying you anyways and isnt worth your time.
Flip side...
We dont want you to just sit around the house and get unhealthy and fat either. I like a trim girl just like everyone else. But thats not what im usually despondent with women who dont workout. Im more prone to the thought that she is unhealthy. A guy may tell you that you should go to the gym and workout. For most times its probably because he wants you to lose weight. But in my case i dont care if you lose the weight or not as long as you are healthy. Being healthy doesnt necessarily mean thin. But if youre someone i care about i want you to live a long happy healthy life and working out is a means to that end.
Rant done.
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Hemi, Turbocharger, Supercharger
What are they. Ive heard people ask, and ive asked myself so i decided to look it up and lay it down for the standard average joe.
Simple start up. An engine runs itself of the explosion of gas that is lit by a spark plug (a form of a match). The explosion pushes rods in the engine that ulitmately spin your driveshaft giving your car life.
A hemi is a type of engine, that has a different shape in the combustion chamber (where the explosion happens). The hemi refers to a hemipshere. The hemisphere is the shape of the top of the cylinder in the chamber. The hemi shape tends to create a better combustion than a standard flat top tube. The better combustion leads to more power. This is a simple explanation but the big part of it.
Now we all know fire needs oxygen to burn so the more oxygen you get the better the fire/explosion
In general a car gets its air to combust from its surroundings. Usually there are intakes in the front of your car. The faster you go the more air gets into the intake and the more air the more it combusts helping you go faster.
Now you can force the air into the intake faster than normal and thus making the combustion better and making you go faster. This is done through a turbocharger/supercharger. A supercharger is run by a belt on the engine. The belt forces the supercharger to force the intake to take in air faster than normal. A turbocharger (also known as a turbosupercharger) gets its power to force air in from your exhaust. The exhaust air forces are the charger to spin and suck in air faster than normal.
I did simplify my explanation alot but i hope you get the general gist.
Comments-[ comments.]
What are they. Ive heard people ask, and ive asked myself so i decided to look it up and lay it down for the standard average joe.
Simple start up. An engine runs itself of the explosion of gas that is lit by a spark plug (a form of a match). The explosion pushes rods in the engine that ulitmately spin your driveshaft giving your car life.
A hemi is a type of engine, that has a different shape in the combustion chamber (where the explosion happens). The hemi refers to a hemipshere. The hemisphere is the shape of the top of the cylinder in the chamber. The hemi shape tends to create a better combustion than a standard flat top tube. The better combustion leads to more power. This is a simple explanation but the big part of it.
Now we all know fire needs oxygen to burn so the more oxygen you get the better the fire/explosion
In general a car gets its air to combust from its surroundings. Usually there are intakes in the front of your car. The faster you go the more air gets into the intake and the more air the more it combusts helping you go faster.
Now you can force the air into the intake faster than normal and thus making the combustion better and making you go faster. This is done through a turbocharger/supercharger. A supercharger is run by a belt on the engine. The belt forces the supercharger to force the intake to take in air faster than normal. A turbocharger (also known as a turbosupercharger) gets its power to force air in from your exhaust. The exhaust air forces are the charger to spin and suck in air faster than normal.
I did simplify my explanation alot but i hope you get the general gist.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Tamales
I dont like the thought of tamales anymore. I like to eat em and i even like to make them. but i dont like the thought of them anymore. Last year about this time C invited me over to her parents place for annual Tamale making. I never made them before. Her family was so nice in teaching me and everything and invited me into their tradition. At one point her mom stating that i was now one of the family being that i made tamales with them. Which was such a comforting statement. I liked her family alot. But alas after our breakup i try not to think much about any of that. I never did get to say goodbye to her parents, but i dont think there is an appropriate time or way to do that. One of those things you just have to let go. So in the end im tamale sad. which im sure i could fix with liquor happy...
Comments-[ comments.]
I dont like the thought of tamales anymore. I like to eat em and i even like to make them. but i dont like the thought of them anymore. Last year about this time C invited me over to her parents place for annual Tamale making. I never made them before. Her family was so nice in teaching me and everything and invited me into their tradition. At one point her mom stating that i was now one of the family being that i made tamales with them. Which was such a comforting statement. I liked her family alot. But alas after our breakup i try not to think much about any of that. I never did get to say goodbye to her parents, but i dont think there is an appropriate time or way to do that. One of those things you just have to let go. So in the end im tamale sad. which im sure i could fix with liquor happy...
Monday, December 08, 2003
Cuz I dont want to work
FIRSTS
First job: Stringing tennis rackets
First screen name: freeagent
First self purchased: CD: guns n roses appetite for destruction
First funeral: high school friend, Steve
First piercing/tattoo: none
First credit card: bofa
First true love: Jen N
First enemy: myself
First big trip, w/out family: OHIO
First concert: guns n roses w/ skid row
First musician you remember hearing in your house: micheal jackson
LASTS
Last big car ride: SF
Last kiss: K
Last library book checked out: shrug
Last movie seen: at theater - Matrix revolutions
Last beverage drank: coke
Last food consumed: del taco burrito
Last phone call: old roomate
Last CD played: The Donnas
Last annoyance: slow drivers
Last soda drank: coke
Last ice cream eaten: cherry
Last time scolded: during my breakup with C
Last shirt worn: fraternity t-shirt
Last website visited: fark.com
I AM: tried
I WANT: to go home
I HAVE: work to do
I WISH: i could win the lotto
I HATE: uncertainty
I FEAR: for humanity
I HEAR: the droning of computers
I SEARCH: for her
I WONDER: why people hate
I REGRET: giving up
I LOVE: being loved
I ACHE: in my heart
I ALWAYS: try to be nice
I AM NOT: good at goodbye
I DANCE: when no one can see
I SING: in my car
I CRY: when i think about it too much
I AM NOT ALWAYS: thinking
I WRITE: to her in vain
I WIN: when i dont know im playing
I LOSE: myself
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED: to relax
I SHOULD: be happier
YES or NO:
x. YOU KEEP A DIARY: journal online
x. YOU LIKE TO COOK: no, i prefer to eat
x. YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: YES! sure
x. YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: of course
DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: not currently
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yes
GET MOTION SICKNESS: sometimes
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: no
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: yup
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: sometimes
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: black
EYE COLOR: brown
BIRTHPLACE: Indiana
FAVORITES:
NUMBER: 9
COLOR: blue
DAY: thursday
MONTH: august
SONG(S): Open your eyes - BuckCherry
SEASON: Summer
DRINK: Surfer on Acid
PREFERENCES: women
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: both
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: hot chocolate
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: milk chocolate
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: vanilla
IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? no
HELPED SOMEONE? i have.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? yes
GOTTEN SICK? no
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? yup
SAID 'i love you'?: nope
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: nope
TALKED TO AN EX?: nope
MISSED AN EX? : yup
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: yup
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: nope
MISSED SOMEONE? yes
HUGGED SOMEONE? yes
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? no
Would you ever:
1. Eat a bug?: sure
2. Bungee jump?: depends on my mood
4. Kill someone? no
5. Kiss someone of the same sex? no
6. Have sex with someone of the same sex? no
7. Parachute from a plane? again depends
8. Walk on hot coals? no
9. Go out with someone for their looks? for a first date yes
11. Be a vegetarian? no
12. Wear plaid with stripes? if i owned plaid sure
13. IM a stranger? sure
14. Sing Karaoke? sure
15. Get drunk off your Ass? yes
16. Shoplift? nope
17. Run a red light? no
18. Star in a porn video? no
19. Dye your hair blue? sure
20. Be on Survivor? no
21. Wear makeup in public?: no
22. Not wear makeup in public? sure
23. Cheat on a test? nope
24. Make someone cry? no
25. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? sure
26. Stay up all night? sure
Comments-[ comments.]
FIRSTS
First job: Stringing tennis rackets
First screen name: freeagent
First self purchased: CD: guns n roses appetite for destruction
First funeral: high school friend, Steve
First piercing/tattoo: none
First credit card: bofa
First true love: Jen N
First enemy: myself
First big trip, w/out family: OHIO
First concert: guns n roses w/ skid row
First musician you remember hearing in your house: micheal jackson
LASTS
Last big car ride: SF
Last kiss: K
Last library book checked out: shrug
Last movie seen: at theater - Matrix revolutions
Last beverage drank: coke
Last food consumed: del taco burrito
Last phone call: old roomate
Last CD played: The Donnas
Last annoyance: slow drivers
Last soda drank: coke
Last ice cream eaten: cherry
Last time scolded: during my breakup with C
Last shirt worn: fraternity t-shirt
Last website visited: fark.com
I AM: tried
I WANT: to go home
I HAVE: work to do
I WISH: i could win the lotto
I HATE: uncertainty
I FEAR: for humanity
I HEAR: the droning of computers
I SEARCH: for her
I WONDER: why people hate
I REGRET: giving up
I LOVE: being loved
I ACHE: in my heart
I ALWAYS: try to be nice
I AM NOT: good at goodbye
I DANCE: when no one can see
I SING: in my car
I CRY: when i think about it too much
I AM NOT ALWAYS: thinking
I WRITE: to her in vain
I WIN: when i dont know im playing
I LOSE: myself
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED: to relax
I SHOULD: be happier
YES or NO:
x. YOU KEEP A DIARY: journal online
x. YOU LIKE TO COOK: no, i prefer to eat
x. YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: YES! sure
x. YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: of course
DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: not currently
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yes
GET MOTION SICKNESS: sometimes
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: no
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: yup
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: sometimes
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: black
EYE COLOR: brown
BIRTHPLACE: Indiana
FAVORITES:
NUMBER: 9
COLOR: blue
DAY: thursday
MONTH: august
SONG(S): Open your eyes - BuckCherry
SEASON: Summer
DRINK: Surfer on Acid
PREFERENCES: women
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: both
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: hot chocolate
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: milk chocolate
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: vanilla
IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? no
HELPED SOMEONE? i have.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? yes
GOTTEN SICK? no
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? yup
SAID 'i love you'?: nope
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: nope
TALKED TO AN EX?: nope
MISSED AN EX? : yup
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: yup
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: nope
MISSED SOMEONE? yes
HUGGED SOMEONE? yes
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? no
Would you ever:
1. Eat a bug?: sure
2. Bungee jump?: depends on my mood
4. Kill someone? no
5. Kiss someone of the same sex? no
6. Have sex with someone of the same sex? no
7. Parachute from a plane? again depends
8. Walk on hot coals? no
9. Go out with someone for their looks? for a first date yes
11. Be a vegetarian? no
12. Wear plaid with stripes? if i owned plaid sure
13. IM a stranger? sure
14. Sing Karaoke? sure
15. Get drunk off your Ass? yes
16. Shoplift? nope
17. Run a red light? no
18. Star in a porn video? no
19. Dye your hair blue? sure
20. Be on Survivor? no
21. Wear makeup in public?: no
22. Not wear makeup in public? sure
23. Cheat on a test? nope
24. Make someone cry? no
25. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? sure
26. Stay up all night? sure
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Touch
Sometimes i wonder about how i touch people. And all i have to think about is how people touch me. There are people who hardly know me but in some way or another they have touched my life and made it better. I take alot from people in the way they act with me and or the things we do together. And all i hope is that people get the same from me.
Comments-[ comments.]
Sometimes i wonder about how i touch people. And all i have to think about is how people touch me. There are people who hardly know me but in some way or another they have touched my life and made it better. I take alot from people in the way they act with me and or the things we do together. And all i hope is that people get the same from me.
