Nothing to lose

The most dreaded word

I think ive narrowed down the most dreaded word in the world. It is 'oops'. Because its never something you want to hear in any situation, at the doctor, at the office, or anywhere, because something went wrong. Thats todays observation...

85

I only wrote an 85 list because thats all i wanted to do

1. I really like ranch dressing
2. I own alot of hats
3. I like to have control
4. Ive never met my grandparents on my dads side
5. I like to live in emotion
6. Im an email junkie
7. I like red Hair
8. I dont eat candy
9. Ive only been in two fights, once to protect myself and once to protect a girl
10. I like liver
11. I can drink like a fish
12. I dont smoke pot
13. Ive tried pot
14. I road rage
15. I have 20/15 vision
16. I have a low tolerance for ignorance
17. Im a hoosier
18. Pets and kids flock to me
19. I give off a very 'safe' aura
20. Ive driven an actual Nascar before
21. Ive lost $600 in one night at blackjack, and ive also won 500 in a single hand
22. Im a total flirt
23. Im more honest than Abe
24. I dont like sandwiches
25. Ive never been off the continent
26. I love butter
27. I have no desire to go back to the 'homeland'
28. As long as ive lived near the beach, ive never learned to surf
29. Im a comedy junky
30. I believe in spirits
31. I sleep more than the average human
32. Ive never learned to play a musical instrument with any level of accomplishment
33. Im the person people call to listen to their problems
34. Im a soda fiend
35. I own 6 dressers
36. Ive never lied about saying 'I love you'
37. I speak spanish better than vietnamese
38. I skied black diamond my first time skiing
39. My first concert was Guns N Roses with opening act Skid Row
40. Ive never met a celebrity
41. My parents arent divorced
42. I enjoy fixing things
43. I used to be a tournament pool player
44. Ive never sat and watched a sunrise or sundown
45. Ive gamble for 16 hours straight
46. Ive slept for 16 hours straight
47. I enjoy going downtown (and i dont mean the city)
48. Ive been pulled over and been given a dui test
49. I slouch
50. I underachieve
51. I play the lotto
52. My favorite author is David Morrell
53. My favorite cartoonist is Darby Conley
54. Im not attracted to supermodels
55. Im a romantic
56. I lost my virginity at 18
57. I had my first french kiss at 7
58. Ive turned down sex from beautiful women
59. I love solitude but i hate being alone
60. Ive never been in a threesome
61. My donation to the shelter for battered women entitled me to have a brick with my name on it at the shelter
62. I can recite lines from the movie Liar Liar
63. I work in corporate america, I am the 'office space' guy
64. Im not in love now
65. I like rain
66. Im left handed
67. My favorite shot is a surfer on acid
68. Im not as nice as I used to be
69. Ive driven to Vegas just for a night of gambling
70. I write poetry when im sad
71. It took me six years to finish college
72. I dont like crowds
73. Ive never hit a woman
74. Ive never been hit by a woman
75. Ive run a 5k
76. I complain too much
77. I forget people names
78. I need to learn to let go
79. Ive cried over lost love
80. I wish I was taller
81. I once wore braces and had headgear
82. sometimes I close my eyes when driving just to focus on the fear of it
83. I like the solitude of driving alone
84. I collect state quarters
85. I rarely watch sitcoms, or reality tv

Apologies

So ive apologized to H plenty of times for ending our relationship. And i had told myself that even though she had forgiven me i hadnt forgiven myself. and so today i think its time to forgive myself. So Phil i apologize to you for ending the relationship with H. I had lots of issues and it was just something i had to do. And i wish i hadnt done that in hindsight. Thats okay... i forgive you. Hopefully we can work together the cynical and the romantic, and we can find some common ground to work with. Every relationship isnt going to have insurmountable issues, and every girl isnt going to be the one. Lets just say that we've forgiven us, we made mistakes but its time for us to move on. If she comes back then we will deal with that when the time comes. But for now we are going to move on, start new, and rebuild us.

A boy, but a man

In time your memory will fade
thats what they say
But its hard to erase what you are
which is what ive become.
I dont believe love ever goes away
It just fades to the back of our thoughts.
You used to be the light of my life.
Now the light is so dim as to be in the dark.
The darkness envelopes me.
and i realize im not in the darkness
i am the darkness
The temptation is that time heals all wounds
The reality is time is itself a wound.
Because now you have no time for me
I survive day after day
but i have yet to return to living
this shell of a man hides the cowering boy
a cowering boy who has been scolded by fire
and he sits in the corner
wondering when its okay to get up
get up and go back out an play with the flame

Hot Dogs

So im back from the Bay Area. I spent the weekend with my sister and my nephew and was suppose to catch up with some people in the bay. One canceled, two flaked by never calling me back even though we had planned to meet, and the fourth made it on time and was a delight to see... thanks M. I realized i dont want kids anytime soon. A weekend was enough with my nephew to know i dont yet have the patience to deal with a kid. and maybe the most annoying of all... there is no hot dog vendor in Golden Gate park. I walked around the park for three hours and made it around the whole park and never saw a vendor. But i did enjoy not being at work, thats always a blessing. But now im back and with a little more verve.

Nanowrimo.org

My current nanowrimo word count 3288