Sunday, June 29, 2003
Potential...
Have you ever gotten that feeling that youre not in the game, that youre just floating by? Youre not giving it your all or being as good as you could be? Ive really gotten that feeling lately. There are many things i know i can do and achieve but i just havent gotten the motivation to do them. I always thought it quite pompous to hold your accomplishments above people or what not. But now im more annoyed at not using the talents that i have to do what i can. I dont really care to hold it over people. If they care to raise me up and cower under me, thats their business. I dont and wont ever claim to be the best at anything. But i do believe i can be the best me. and if that makes people jealous or what not so be it. Just like in the end of The Color of Money... 'Im Back!!!'
Comments-[ comments.]
Have you ever gotten that feeling that youre not in the game, that youre just floating by? Youre not giving it your all or being as good as you could be? Ive really gotten that feeling lately. There are many things i know i can do and achieve but i just havent gotten the motivation to do them. I always thought it quite pompous to hold your accomplishments above people or what not. But now im more annoyed at not using the talents that i have to do what i can. I dont really care to hold it over people. If they care to raise me up and cower under me, thats their business. I dont and wont ever claim to be the best at anything. But i do believe i can be the best me. and if that makes people jealous or what not so be it. Just like in the end of The Color of Money... 'Im Back!!!'
Friday, June 27, 2003
Inhale...
I need to be happy with myself before i can be happy with anyone else and i realize thats the problem. im not happy with myself. because im disappointed in how i acted. so how do you learn to forgive yourself? Im breathing, and thats a start.
p.s someone just said to me maybe i have a clinical depression as opposed to a simple sadness. and it hit me. wow have i taken this too hard. i need to just buck up. holy crap if someone views my sadness as such. thats just too much. just a large slap that i probably needed. life is happy and im gonna live it. Which makes me wanna find my friends and go out and play. Thanks M.
Comments-[ comments.]
I need to be happy with myself before i can be happy with anyone else and i realize thats the problem. im not happy with myself. because im disappointed in how i acted. so how do you learn to forgive yourself? Im breathing, and thats a start.
p.s someone just said to me maybe i have a clinical depression as opposed to a simple sadness. and it hit me. wow have i taken this too hard. i need to just buck up. holy crap if someone views my sadness as such. thats just too much. just a large slap that i probably needed. life is happy and im gonna live it. Which makes me wanna find my friends and go out and play. Thanks M.
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Watching...
Do you ever get that feeling that no one is watching? no one cares what you do or how you are. you could just get up and scream and no one would hear? And at the same time you know everyone is watching, your family and your friends, wondering how you are and what your next move is? Its like there is no pressure but all the pressure at the same time. Does anybody hear me? Do i hear anybody else? The roar of the silence is deafening. But its so sweet and scary.
Comments-[ comments.]
Do you ever get that feeling that no one is watching? no one cares what you do or how you are. you could just get up and scream and no one would hear? And at the same time you know everyone is watching, your family and your friends, wondering how you are and what your next move is? Its like there is no pressure but all the pressure at the same time. Does anybody hear me? Do i hear anybody else? The roar of the silence is deafening. But its so sweet and scary.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
Criminal...
Throughout our lives we all commit crimes.
Our penance to be done throughout our lifetime.
They are rocks of burden we carry forever.
But to some they are a golden treasure.
A moment of life they stole.
That made their existence that much more whole.
Maybe we should all steal back a little life.
It only seems fair in this world of strife.
So come take my hand and walk with me.
Because are lives are lived if we have happiness with misery.
-philandher 6-24-03
Comments-[ comments.]
Throughout our lives we all commit crimes.
Our penance to be done throughout our lifetime.
They are rocks of burden we carry forever.
But to some they are a golden treasure.
A moment of life they stole.
That made their existence that much more whole.
Maybe we should all steal back a little life.
It only seems fair in this world of strife.
So come take my hand and walk with me.
Because are lives are lived if we have happiness with misery.
-philandher 6-24-03
Monday, June 23, 2003
Crew...
Damn you Crew. I hate this stuff and i love it. Crew is a mens hair product line. Maybe i should spite the lady who cuts my hair for making me use it. She got me on some texture cream. Which was good for a while. Then she moved me on to the harder stuff, something like pomade i suppose, and i was hooked on that. and now ive moved on to the gel. cuz i needed to have more to feed my addiction. ack. now i have crunchy gel hair. I hate that, that was the whole reason i stopped using gels in the first place. I replaced one drug for the other and now its just as bad as the first. curse you Crew... one day ill slam my crunchy hair against you and youll rue the day you decided to not make hair care products that had hold but were still pliable and soft to the touch...
I only say this cuz in general i like to run my fingers through the hair of whatever girl im dating. (which is why i like girls with long hair) Damn you short haired girls. because youre still hot too, just cant run my fingers through your hair, or i can only do it for short periods of time before i get to the end of the hair and i have to start over. then i have to start all over again at the top... anyways so in all fairness i figure girls might like that too which is why i tried to move to a non helmet head inducing hair care product, which i happened to have done until i got hooked on Crew. CURSES!!!
Comments-[ comments.]
Damn you Crew. I hate this stuff and i love it. Crew is a mens hair product line. Maybe i should spite the lady who cuts my hair for making me use it. She got me on some texture cream. Which was good for a while. Then she moved me on to the harder stuff, something like pomade i suppose, and i was hooked on that. and now ive moved on to the gel. cuz i needed to have more to feed my addiction. ack. now i have crunchy gel hair. I hate that, that was the whole reason i stopped using gels in the first place. I replaced one drug for the other and now its just as bad as the first. curse you Crew... one day ill slam my crunchy hair against you and youll rue the day you decided to not make hair care products that had hold but were still pliable and soft to the touch...
I only say this cuz in general i like to run my fingers through the hair of whatever girl im dating. (which is why i like girls with long hair) Damn you short haired girls. because youre still hot too, just cant run my fingers through your hair, or i can only do it for short periods of time before i get to the end of the hair and i have to start over. then i have to start all over again at the top... anyways so in all fairness i figure girls might like that too which is why i tried to move to a non helmet head inducing hair care product, which i happened to have done until i got hooked on Crew. CURSES!!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Jawad Amer Sayed...
This man stayed in a 1 yard by 7 yard room to hide from Saddam Hussein for 22 years. I want to applaud him and pity him at the same time. What courage and strength of conviction is must have took. Or just the constant fear of death. I find it hard to deal with the months of my little pittance of agonies in my life. And this man spent years and has comeout with a happy resolve. The worries in my life are small and petty compared to his, so it gives me some sort of resolve to deal with my things better. But i also know that people would give their lives to be in my shoes and be able to have the petty issues i have to deal with, and not have to deal with magnanimous issues like death by dictator. I suppose its all about perspective and this gives me a better one on my life and me. Hope everyone is happy and healthy and free from persecution so that you may live and enjoy the petty little issues... ill be enjoying mine...
Comments-[ comments.]
This man stayed in a 1 yard by 7 yard room to hide from Saddam Hussein for 22 years. I want to applaud him and pity him at the same time. What courage and strength of conviction is must have took. Or just the constant fear of death. I find it hard to deal with the months of my little pittance of agonies in my life. And this man spent years and has comeout with a happy resolve. The worries in my life are small and petty compared to his, so it gives me some sort of resolve to deal with my things better. But i also know that people would give their lives to be in my shoes and be able to have the petty issues i have to deal with, and not have to deal with magnanimous issues like death by dictator. I suppose its all about perspective and this gives me a better one on my life and me. Hope everyone is happy and healthy and free from persecution so that you may live and enjoy the petty little issues... ill be enjoying mine...
Monday, June 16, 2003
(There's) Always Something There To Remind Me
( Naked Eyes )
I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me
And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
As shadows fall, I pass a small cafe where we would dance at night
And I can't help recalling how it felt to kiss and hold you tight
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
I was born to love her, and I'll never be free
You'll always be a part of me
[break]
If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share
Just go back to the places where we used to go, and I'll be there
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me
'Cause there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
There's always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Comments-[ comments.]
( Naked Eyes )
I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me
And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
As shadows fall, I pass a small cafe where we would dance at night
And I can't help recalling how it felt to kiss and hold you tight
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
I was born to love her, and I'll never be free
You'll always be a part of me
[break]
If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share
Just go back to the places where we used to go, and I'll be there
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me
'Cause there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
There's always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Stupid....
I hate bad design decisions especially in relation to computer software. And owing to the fact that i work in a software company i see lots of it. And the director is heeding his own advice to himself and going with his design decision even though every developer has told him its a dumb idea. Is it that people in power just get so thrilled with their power that they forget to be smart? Whatever, only a few days of this. This week im taking a short week and going to vegas on thurs through sun. So i can relax and just numb my mind at gaming tables. Need to get my car an oil change and get some new tires before i make the trek. Yes im driving there. I like driving. Which yes i have to plan my trip up to SF to visit everyone. Ill have to work that around the classes im gonna take at ucsd. Hmm otherwise, life is okay. Internet is quite dull with everyone on hiatus or vacation or what not. Im having blog-withdrawals... hahah....
Comments-[ comments.]
I hate bad design decisions especially in relation to computer software. And owing to the fact that i work in a software company i see lots of it. And the director is heeding his own advice to himself and going with his design decision even though every developer has told him its a dumb idea. Is it that people in power just get so thrilled with their power that they forget to be smart? Whatever, only a few days of this. This week im taking a short week and going to vegas on thurs through sun. So i can relax and just numb my mind at gaming tables. Need to get my car an oil change and get some new tires before i make the trek. Yes im driving there. I like driving. Which yes i have to plan my trip up to SF to visit everyone. Ill have to work that around the classes im gonna take at ucsd. Hmm otherwise, life is okay. Internet is quite dull with everyone on hiatus or vacation or what not. Im having blog-withdrawals... hahah....
Friday, June 13, 2003
Moving on...
So i had a few more words with H and she didnt give me any glimmer of hope. So i told her that if she didnt have any hope for us then i would stop mine. This happened a few days ago. And now im feeling much better. I cant be pained over something that will never happen. So its moving on time. Im on the school trip right now. Probably raised in part by J3n who just finished her first year of grad school. and has her summer to play. Not that i really want to go to school to get a summer. But she worked hard for the year and is now releasing. I think i miss that. So im going to take a few (3) classes here at UCSD extension this session and then two more in the next session. This will help me to finish my java certification and get a VB certification. And then when im done hopefully i can parlay these into a new job in HB. So thats my current goal and my plan to get there. So maybe a new job by the end of the year. In other news im off to vegas next week. Four days of me and the gaming tables and almost free liquor. And damn you J3n for putting me on this DHC fix. Im pulling out all my old cd's and rocking through the stuff. Its quite uplifting. Thanks. In other news... whats with everyone going blog/journal hiatus at the same time... what will i do to fill time in my day? Work? are you crazy? Bah... okay back to looking busy...
Comments-[ comments.]
So i had a few more words with H and she didnt give me any glimmer of hope. So i told her that if she didnt have any hope for us then i would stop mine. This happened a few days ago. And now im feeling much better. I cant be pained over something that will never happen. So its moving on time. Im on the school trip right now. Probably raised in part by J3n who just finished her first year of grad school. and has her summer to play. Not that i really want to go to school to get a summer. But she worked hard for the year and is now releasing. I think i miss that. So im going to take a few (3) classes here at UCSD extension this session and then two more in the next session. This will help me to finish my java certification and get a VB certification. And then when im done hopefully i can parlay these into a new job in HB. So thats my current goal and my plan to get there. So maybe a new job by the end of the year. In other news im off to vegas next week. Four days of me and the gaming tables and almost free liquor. And damn you J3n for putting me on this DHC fix. Im pulling out all my old cd's and rocking through the stuff. Its quite uplifting. Thanks. In other news... whats with everyone going blog/journal hiatus at the same time... what will i do to fill time in my day? Work? are you crazy? Bah... okay back to looking busy...
