Nothing to lose

Bad Blogger

I havent posted in a while havent really had much to comment on i suppose. Life is going quite well. Im having a ball actually. Things are fun and lighthearted. I went to a party last weekend where i was suppose to meet A who everyone said would be a good fit for me. At first glance it didnt seem that way. But i sucked it up and made conversation and basically played the game. Which if any of you know me i hate playing the game because i think the game sucks and also that i suck at it. But i did it anyways. My friends applauded me after for giving the game and the girl a whirl. I also normally play in my tennis league on fridays and last friday there was a new girl there C2 and she played with us for a set then after that she came right up and asked for my number and asked if we could play sometime out of the league. So this week she called and we went and played. And again i played the 'game' with her. We chatted for a while sort of oblivious to the fact that we had a tennis court to play on. But it was quite fun. and two of my three classes are over now and the next class ends next week so yeah for me i have more time to play now. And even better that i have more play friends. Oh random side note, well not totally random. Every year my group of friends has a Guys day off and a girls day off. The girls all go to a spa and pamper themselves for most of the day and all the guys go out to some place and usually drink beers and do nothing, and then both groups meet up later in the day for a big family dinner somewhere. So last year i was with C and so she went with the girls. And this year she was still on the email trail for the event. and she responded with a yes for the spa. and then spoke to a friend if it would be appropriate to go to the dinner. and the friend said to talk to me since we would be the awkward ones. and after talking to her i told her my view on it. i wanted her to go and i wanted to see her, but i fear my reaction to her as all the feelings and thoughts rush back. but i said thats just something ill have to deal with eventually. in any case she is coming to the spa and dinner and ill have to see how it all pans out. but in any case im gonna try and have fun with it and everything else.

Here is a picture of the 'rice lady' that the cook made (notice her anatomically correctness...





And here is me with my face in said lady... (notice cooks hand shoving my face in it)

Thankful

Things im thankful for today. (just me having too much time on a friday)
1. Today is friday.
2. Friends
3. Girls that challenge me
4. Butter
5. Teriyaki Sauce
6. Electricity...
7. Email
8. That im more or less healthy
9. That i dont live in daily fear for my life (except on freeways...)
10. I have a job
11. And it pays well
12. That im within driving distance of OC
13. Today is payday
14. Good music
15. Instant Messenger
16. Memories of friends past and present
17. Having the chance to love even if it was lost
18. Coke (the drink not the drug)
19. Comedians (Go Dat Phan, last comic standing reference)
20. Being alive

and ill stop at 20 or this list could go on forever. hope everyone else is
as chipper this friday.

Soul

My old soul floods this young body
I no longer laugh wholeheartedly
The world has aged me in my eyes
I no longer wish to cry
The screams and wails are deafening in my head
But those voices are mine and ill put them to bed
I am free from the pain and anger
I no longer fell the dear or danger
Life is too short to hold the sadness
So revel in my new happiness

Ex's

So my ex and i talked the other week, and it was nice to chat with her. She was all giddy about hearing from me and she was happy and fun. And dumb me i got excited by that. I remembered all the reasons i liked her in the first place. And then cut. She stopped talking to me and im like what the hell did we not just have fun talking to each other. And finally got a message from her saying that she didnt want to deal with me now and all the other things in her life. And i fucking hate that. I dont want to be dealt with. Im not something she should have to deal with. a sore spot of contention with me and our breakup, either you are happy to be with me or not. so in any case as quickly as the happy thoughts of her came back so did the angry thoughts. and then she told me how she went on an edate with some random guys who were drunk at a bowling alley. that just got me more upset. like ive been here and thats the guy you chose to be with instead of me? and then again i remember why things faltered with us. Because i wasnt mean, i didnt yell at her, i didnt scream at her, i wasnt abusive in any way, like her past boyfriends. and maybe thats just what she needs some domineering asshole. Im more likely to hurt myself than to hurt a woman. I might hit walls but i wouldnt hit her. and im some ways im totally sad for her that thats what she seeks and needs and thats just going to end up bad. and then im sad that i couldnt pull her out of it, show her thats not the way its supposed to be. and i havent heard from her since the cut off. so now i wonder should i just put it away? let it go? because caring for her and worrying about her will drive me nuts. or should i stay in touch and make sure she is okay and try to help her out as best i can. which im sure is all moot. if she doesnt talk to me then it makes it difficult to talk to her. i wish todays men were men instead of boys and they didnt create these fucked up situations where someone needs to be abused to feel right. sigh.

Best Lines (not pickup)

These are some of the best lines that have been told to me in my life, or that i find poignant.

(From a girl who wanted to date me but previously dated my friend, and i objected because of that)
"This bro stuff is crap" ( She was right, i went out with her later)
(From a girl who said she loved me)
"Youre not in my inner circle of people" (That inner circle being people she would marry)
(From a good 'Christian girl' who had a pension for being bad with me)
"I dont trust myself when im with you"
(From one of my ex's on having lunch with me)
"Whats the point of that"
(From me relating about myself)
"I dont like it easy do I?"
(From a girl i had just finished having sex with)
"Oh my god im on sensory overload"